The Risk of Expectations

It's common that when we commit to something, anything (or anyone), that we consciously or unconsciously create an expectation. Pause, come back to the breath, and look at where you're attached to expectations in an area of your life.

Someone once told me that expectations are resentments in waiting. I find this to be largely true. Projecting an idea of what I'd like to happen in the future sets me up for disappointment, judgement and resignation. Why? Because life rarely turns out the way I think it's going to.

I find if life does turn out the way I thought it would, I'm usually in my critical/shame story, gathering evidence about myself or another and enjoying the satisfaction of being right. Painful and yet strangely satisfying!

To me expectations are different from a vision. Where a vision is a guiding star, something that I move towards to orientate myself, (like a compass), expectations are a quiet fix—if that happens I'll be happy/successful/attractive/healthy/add your own version.

Holding a vision allows space for life to unfold. Expectations tend to bring attachment, pressure and control.

Pause and notice whether your expectations are creating any pressure, disappointment, upset or control. If they are, breathe deep and let them go. You don't need to hold onto them. You created them, you can release them.

In the space you create, bring your vision for yourself to mind. Breathe deep and see your vision glowing like a star. In what direction is it drawing you?

Now look at what you're already doing that is carrying you in the direction of your vision. Get specific. Identify what has supported you, and notice what choices have brought learning and growth—they may have been the ones that caused you pain and discomfort.

Ask yourself how you can build on your foundation to keep moving in the direction of your vision? Note down any helpful reminders, pointers, insights and actions.